What is the meaning of this?

Hi!

   It is not easy keeping your happy up, but it's only been a week so I am certainly far from giving up.  I will keep writing to my future self, sending reminders of of the good things in life.  If it's worth having it is worth working for.  And I will keep reading and investigating ways to make a positive difference in my life.

   Meaning.  Meaning in life is meant to bring happiness.  This is what I've been thinking about for the last few days.  People who have meaning in their lives are supposedly happier than those who don't.  Does my life have meaning in it?  According to things I've read my  answer would be no, it does not have meaning.  My life is meaningless.  My life is nothingness.

  I am of course comparing my life to other people's.  I am listening to what other people say is meaning and I am finding nothing.  So what do other people call meaning?

    Meaning comes from Religion.  I can't say that religion adds any meaning to my life.  My dad goes to Church every week and I have asked him why.  He doesn't really know, but I think he likes the time away from home, an hour of peace and quiet.  Maybe I could have some fun reading up on religions, maybe even trying a few out.  Hmm, this could be fun....

   Meaning comes from having a job that makes a difference, or a calling to a caring sort of profession.  I work in a casino.  I fell into by accident.  Although I do enjoy my job, I didn't choose it, I don't agree with a lot of the marketing and antics.  I wanted to be a teacher when I left school, but when I finally earned a place on a post grad course I hated it.  I do not have a calling.

   Meaning comes from relationships.  I am single.  I wish I wasn't, but I am.  I would rather be single than going out with the wrong person, so I will stay this way for now, but it can be rather  lonely coming home after work with only telly or a book to keep me company.  Maybe I should get a wee kitten?  No meaning from relationships for me though.

  Meaning comes from being a parent.  See above.  This is not going to happen anytime soon, so yet again, no meaning.

   Where will I find meaning?  Apparently people who try too hard to find meaning in their lives can end up more unhappy and more miserable than they did before they realised that they had no meaning!  This is a bit of a sticky situation. 

  Surely I can't have no meaning.  Maybe by listening to other people and comparing my life to their lives I don't have meaning.  Fair enough I don't have a fabulous husband, marvelous genius children, a circle of amazing and witty friends to drink coffee with every night and enjoy the banter with.

   I need to concentrate on what I do have in my life already that has meaning.  I have a job, it might not be a calling, but I can choose to make the most it, get some meaning that way.  I am an auntie and my nieces are fantastic (genius, even).  Soon I will have more nieces or nephews.  It's so much fun being an auntie - you get lots of fun, lots of love and very, very few dirty nappies to have to deal with.  I have hobbies, well I have a plethora of vague interests that i can certainly develop into a hobby.  And I might not see my friends every day and we might mostly be tea drinkers (and gin), not coffee drinkers, but they are actually amazing and witty and good with the banter and I love every single one of them.

  So, what is the meaning and where is the meaning?  I just need to look a bit deeper and stop comparing what I have to what other people say I should have.  I will keep searching for my meaning, but I will search in my own life.

Play to Our Strengths

  So.  If I am going to start this little experiment I need to find somewhere to start, don't you think?  So I have been reading and reading and reading.  Websites, books, blogs.  So much information and it is all so exciting and so promising.  
  One thing that keeps popping up in what I've read is a test called the VIA Survey of Character Strengths.   This questionnaire, which you will find on the "Authentic Happiness" website which is the homepage of Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, consists of 240 questions that promise to identify your top, or "character" strengths. I have taken the test twice, just to make sure the answers are the right ones.  Here's what it told me.
  My top five strengths are Love of Learning; Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence; Kindness and Generosity; Creativity, Ingenuity and Originality and Gratitude.  What do I do with this illuminating information?  The general advice would suggest that I try to build my character  strengths into my everyday life.  I am good at these things already, yes?  Play to your strengths, that has always been sound advice.
   Number One - Love of Learning.  I wonder, was this my top strength when I muddled my way through school and university with no aspiration and even less motivation or have I only recently developed it?  No matter, it is not a big shock to me to learn that I like to learn.  And no wonder my job, which a trained banana could probably do, is not pushing my buttons.  How am I going to use a love of learning to boost my happy?  Maybe now is the time to start that Open University course and I might just see if there any evening courses that take my fancy. 
  An appreciation of beauty and excellence, again that doesn't surprise me. Any excuse to visit an art gallery or enjoy a beautiful view.  Perhaps I could write a wee post once in a while dwelling on the beauty of this world..... This could also help me with my creativity strength (although it might not be such an original idea, but let me work on that)
  Kindness, generosity and gratitude.  Now,  this is something I have been working on.  I like to believe I have always had these traits, but I know very well that I am a bit of a stress head and in certain situations these have been a bit hard to see.  I have been using a website called futureme.org which lets you write emails to your future.  What I've been doing is writing about things that have happened during the day that I am grateful for, or things that went well, nice things that people have done for me.  I have also been setting myself little related tasks in these emails to my future self to keep myself on track.   For example, if I write about spending time with a good friend, I'll tell myself to send them a friendly text, or call them to find out how they are. Simple, but effective and what a fantastic little boost these emails give me,  it's a win win win situation.
  So, I am now armed with my top strengths and I can see how using them everyday, even in a small way will keep the cheer topped up.  I'll keep you posted with how I am getting on. 
:)


   

Positively Positive

Hello!

   I've been reading a lot recently about positive psychology and the idea that people can practice to increase levels of happiness and well-being in their lives.  I certainly need that.  I intend to use this blog to record my efforts at raising my happiness game.  I hope you enjoy.

  A little bit of personal information so we all know what the starter's line looks like.  I am in my early 30's, single, heterosexual and white, if any of that information is important or, indeed, even relevant.  

   I consider my job to be just that, a job, something I do in the daytime that (barely) pays my bills, a time filler and a brain killer.  Problem is, I haven't yet decided what I want to do when I grow up so until then I plod.  As for relationships, I am what I think they call an avoidant, and if and when I do find myself in a situation that vaguely resembles a relationship I become an anxious.  This combination is, in short, disastrous.  

 

  What I want is to be optimistic, happy and surrounded by love. I want a job that makes me leap out of bed in the morning.  I want someone to share my life with.  I want laughter and excitement and adventure. So, can using positive psychology techniques help me to achieve this?  Let us see.  

Okay, I am feeling quite excited about this little experiment. I am off to get happy!